


anywhere else but here

by constant



Category: ITZY (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Non-Famous, Angst, F/F, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, Reminiscing, Weddings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-16
Updated: 2020-11-16
Packaged: 2021-03-10 03:49:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,556
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27587033
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/constant/pseuds/constant
Summary: It's been years since Jisu disappeared from her life, but Yeji still finds herself unable to let her go, even if she's about to tie the knot with someone else.
Relationships: Choi Jisu | Lia/Hwang Yeji
Comments: 4
Kudos: 20





	anywhere else but here

The bride room is stuffy despite it being spacious, providing an ample amount of space for her bridesmaids to run around as they escort the guests inside or scramble to grant the bride's polite requests. Yeji thinks it's the effect of the floral backdrop, the flowers generating a fragrant aroma in the air, where, when you've been in the same room for over an hour, it just comes off as pungent and a little dizzying. 

Yeji had specifically asked the wedding organizers to cut down the quantity of the flowers for the backdrop - the only request she had asked for this event, and they don’t even heed it. In spite of her mother’s efforts and insistence to involve her in the entire arrangement, Yeji had refused to be involved in the preparations of the wedding except for her presence on the event itself. 

She finds no point in it anyway, when the engagement wasn’t even her decision to make, or break. 

Yeji had asked her bridesmaids - her best friends - to open the window for her, but the request was only turned down by a nagging Ryujin, who had pointed out that the sunlight wouldn't be good for her skin and the additional heat would only make her sweat. She then received an apologetic smile from Chaeryeong while Yuna tells Ryujin off for being too cross with the bride. 

"Sorry. We're too loud, aren't we?" 

Yeji takes Chaeryeong's hand and runs a thumb over the smooth skin of her palm. 

Yeji shakes her head, the weight of her tight braided chignon nailing her down to the core. "If anything, it distracts me from the thoughts." 

There's a rap at the door, and before any of them can get to it, another group of guests swoop into the room, and Yeji digs her fingernails on the bouquet, forcing a smile at the unfamiliar suited faces as they congratulate her for the approaching chapter in her life. 

In the corner of her eye, she spots her bridesmaids casting worried glances as they vacate to the wall, fidgeting in their carnation dresses. 

What Yeji would give to be standing among them, wearing the uniform pastel gowns instead of this overwhelming garment of a white wedding dress, the corset hugging around her torso too tightly that Yeji finds it a bit of a struggle to breathe. 

Instead, she's glued to the canapé, her movements stiff and reactions rehearsed. Her eyes shift every now and then to the wall clock installed across the room. She’s not sure what she wants more - to get time to move faster, slower, or to just make it stop all together. 

Finally, when Ryujin escorts the guests out the door, Yeji allows herself to slouch on her seat, releasing the tension in her muscles. 

In an instant, Chaeryeong is kneeling in front of her, peering at her with concerned eyes. 

“Are you okay?” 

Yeji takes a shaky breath, letting her fingers loose on the bouquet she wants nothing to do with but chuck across the room. She feels a gentle pat on her shoulder. Yuna.

“Unnie, we can run away right now. It’s not too late.” Chaeryeong whispers, her voice sweet and casual in the most Chaer-kind of way, despite the intention of her suggestion. 

Yeji finally forces herself to look up, smiling at all three of them who are surrounding her in the most protective way possible. 

“I don’t want to be a runaway bride.” 

“Any more than a bride who is forced to marry for financial relations?” 

The response is quick, surprising all of them, “Yes.” 

It’s not like she hasn’t thought about it - running away. In fact, she has already done it a few times - once when she was in middle school, and twice when she was in high school. Granted, she had never managed to go far, but she did try to cut off all sources of communication from her family, but somehow, they still found a way to locate her. They always do. 

"But unnie," Yeji turns to a whimpering Chaeryeong, "You don't even love him." 

"I'm not marrying for love." 

Before Chaer can argue further, Ryujin places a hand on her shoulder, lifting her carefully off the floor. Ryujin whispers something in her ear, and Chaeryeong nods at what she says, sniffing away her tears. 

Yeji tries not to think too much about the pang in her chest. 

Yuna takes this moment to step forward, getting in between the others. "Come on, girls. We already talked about this. Yeji unnie made it clear that she's not turning her back on this, and we all agreed to support her decision." Yuna pauses to look at the other two, "Didn't we?" 

Chaeryeong lifts her chin up. "We did and we're not the type to turn against our words, but-" She casts a glance at Yeji, her gaze softening as soon as their eyes meet, "Unnie, why do you appear as if you want to be anywhere else but here?" 

Ryujin speaks up this time, "Look, we're not trying to stop you from what you've set out to do, but when a person decides to do something big, they tend to get second thoughts when they run out of time to act on it. So if you're having doubts, just-" 

Yeji shakes her head, cutting her off. "No. It's not that." 

It’s not about the fact that she's spending the rest of her life with a man she harbors no feelings for that is causing her to spiral out of her sanity. 

Rather-

It’s the hair pins digging into her scalp. 

Yeji relays her problem to her friends, then says, “I want to let my hair down.” 

Silence wafts through the room as the bridesmaids gawk at her in a mix of shock and disbelief. 

“But your dress-” Ryujin starts, motioning over to the bride’s strapless gown that they all know was carefully chosen to show off Yeji’s shoulders. “It would ruin-” 

“ _Please_.” Yeji meets her gaze, and the distress in Ryujin’s expression dissolves as soon as she notices the desperation in the other’s. 

“Okay.” Ryujin says. “Okay, we’ll take the pins out.” 

Yuna settles on the space beside her, careful not to sit on the skirt of her gown. Chaeryeong stands behind the seat, while Ryujin props uncomfortably on the arm of the couch as they work together to remove the thousands of pins stuck in her hair. 

The familiar feeling of someone touching her hair is not quite the same when there are two extra pairs of hands, but it sends a grind to her heart nonetheless. 

The gentle strokes of fingers running through her hair, the accidental caresses on her scalp, Yeji complaining when they pull too hard on her hair, the quick apologies which used to come with a tinkling laughter that Yeji never manages to resist. 

No one laughs this time. 

Yeji inhales, and if her companions notice her chest shake as she does so, no one points it out. 

She’s clutching on to the bouquet again, and she thinks she might ruin it before she can even walk down the aisle. 

Now is not the time to think about it, she tells herself. 

Yeji holds her breath, clutching on to the skirt of her dress as she tries to get a hold of herself, fighting against the rush of memories that are threatening to charge over her. 

“Unnie, are you okay?” 

Yeji nods her head, keeping it bent down to avoid their gazes. It's all she could do to hide the fact that she's actually not okay, that the onslaught of feelings are gradually taking over her.

Bit by bit. 

It all comes back to her. 

Though it's not as if the memories ever left. 

The reason she stopped running away from home. The eye smiles and the laughter. The ghost stories whispered under her blanket, the stolen kisses that followed after. 

She misses when her bad days were smoothened out with delicate fingers running through the strands of her hair, securing them into a french braid. 

Yeji has always preferred to wear her hair down, to let it fall over her face. 

Whenever they get too close, she always pushed away the strands that got in the way of Yeji's face. 

Yeji not once told her off for it. 

She was ever the only one Yeji allowed to touch her hair - too much to the point that other people taking on her role seemed _wrong_. 

Jisu. 

_She misses Jisu_. 

She misses when Jisu used to walk in her front door because her parents haven’t figured out what they were yet. Before they shunned her out and warned to leave their daughter alone. 

Yeji realizes now what she wants to do with the time ticking at the wall clock across the room.

_She wants to turn it back._

The gentle strokes move down from her head to her back, repeating in a placating gesture which only makes her sob more. Yuna pulls her in an embrace, and makeup be damned, Yeji buries her face on the crook of her neck. 

It’s not the thought of marrying someone she doesn’t love that is causing her to break down, it’s the fact that the person she _wants_ is not the one waiting for her at the end of the aisle.   
  
  



End file.
